Motherhood is a profound and transformative experience, one that brings immeasurable joy, love, and fulfillment. However, it can also be a daunting and challenging journey, filled with sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, and the constant juggling of responsibilities. They say when a child is born, so is a mother and this is true whether it’s your first or your fifth child. Each time you bring a new life home, your life as a mother changes too. In the midst of the whirlwind of modern motherhood, finding your village – a support system of friends, family, and fellow moms – is essential. We may not live in caves and celebrate a new baby as an actual village anymore but it is still just as important for every mother to find her village.
Motherhood, especially in the early stages, can be isolating no matter how many friends you have. In today's fast-paced world, the traditional support networks that once surrounded new mothers have often eroded. Families are often spread out geographically, and many moms find themselves isolated, grappling with the demands of motherhood alone. Sleepless nights and round-the-clock feedings can leave you feeling cut off from the world because unless someone is going through the newborn phase with you how do you even explain it? Adding in the pressure to "have it all" and be a perfect parent only adds to the sense of isolation, as so many moms hesitate to admit when they're struggling or in need of help. I remember so vividly the days in the early postpartum period when my partner went back to work and I was alone with this tiny human who I loved more than anything but somehow didn’t really know at all. I felt lonely and sad but also completely fulfilled at the same time. I felt like I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror or this new life that happened overnight. My partner was beyond supportive but for all the words in the world he couldn’t truly understand what I was going through as a new mom. It was only when I started connecting with moms of babies around the same age that I started to feel like myself again. Going for a walk, getting coffee, sharing the highs and lows over text made me feel like me again. I found the new me, the mom me, through the village I leaned on as a new mom.
There's nothing quite like connecting with other moms who are going through similar experiences. Your village can provide a sense of camaraderie, as you share stories, advice, and laughter. These shared experiences can help you feel less alone and more confident in your parenting journey. I had my first child in the middle of the pandemic and it is not an exaggeration to say that I would not have survived the first year of my childs life without my village. Playdates, mom groups, or even virtual meet-ups can help you stay connected and combat feelings of loneliness as well as give you a community of people who are going through the exact same thing. Your village is there to provide a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on during those tough moments. They understand the highs and lows of motherhood and can offer empathy and reassurance. Sharing your feelings, doubts, and triumphs with your village can help reduce stress and anxiety.
So how do you find a village if you don’t have one in place or if you’re the first one of your friend group to have a baby? While we don’t live in physical villages anymore we do have the world at our fingertips. It has truly never been easier to connect with moms. If you are looking to build your village and make mom friends start by looking for local playdate groups, mom groups and support groups for new moms. You can also use apps like Peanut & Mush that connect moms! Each mom brings her own unique experiences and knowledge to the table. Your new mom friends can be a valuable source of parenting advice and tips. Whether it's discussing breastfeeding techniques, sleeping, or the best baby products, your village can help you learn and grow as a parent. Moms (and women in general) are also great at cheering each other on. When you become a mother, taking care of yourself takes a total backseat as you are busy caring and nurturing a new life. However, taking care of yourself is essential for being the best mom you can be and your mom village can encourage and support your self-care efforts. Whether it's arranging a spa day, watching your little one while you take a break, or simply reminding you to prioritize self-care, your village can help you maintain your physical and emotional well-being.
There is also the village you create by paying for it. Part of your village can absolutely be the things you outsource to make your life as a mom easier. Meals, cleaning, dog walking and childcare are resources that you can include in your village. Moms have never been under more pressure to do it all. We are expected to work like we don’t have children, have children like we don’t work, stay home with our babies to raise them but also contribute financially to our families. No matter what you do or how you raise your babies it is imperative that you have help and support and in today’s day and age it means paying for resources to be your village.
Finding your village as a mom is not just a nice-to-have; it's a necessity. If I could give a new mom one piece of advice it would be this: make your village. Whether that be going out and finding mom friends or paying to outsource tasks like cleaning and cooking, it is imperative to create a village for yourself. Just because we don’t have built-in villages anymore doesn’t mean it doesn’t take a village to raise a baby. It's a lifeline of support, understanding, and growth during your motherhood journey. Whether you're a new mom navigating the challenges of infancy or a seasoned parent facing the trials of the teenage years, your village will be there to celebrate the joys and share the burdens. Embrace the power of your village, and remember that you're never alone on this beautiful, transformative journey of motherhood.
If you are a mom looking for your village here are some resources in our area that are ready to have you:
Sierra Moms: Sierra Moms is the leading membership organization for moms living in the greater Folsom and El Dorado Hills area. Our diverse membership of more than 250 includes moms and families from a range of backgrounds, professions and interests. https://sierramoms.org/
Fit4Mom: FIT4MOM offers pre and postnatal health, wellness, and fitness programs for every stage of motherhood. All of our programs were created by moms for moms to provide Strength in Motherhood®. They have chapters locally in Sacramento, Folsom and West Sacramento. https://fit4mom.com/
The Mom Walk Collective: A group of moms whose mission it is to cultivate in person and online social gatherings for mothers to find their village and raise the next generation. They currently have chapters in Sacramento, Anatolia, Citrus Heights, Folsom, El Dorado Hills, Lincoln, Roseville, Rockling, Loomis
https://www.themomwalkcollective.com/
MOPS: The acronym stands for “Mothers of Preschoolers” because they began in 1973 when a group of moms with young children banded together to share their lives and parenting journeys. Over the past 45 years, MOPS has expanded their reach to include ALL moms.
I would love to be part of your village. If you are struggling in parenting please reach out for help at chelsea-mcmann.themamacoach.com. You do not have to struggle alone. I am Chelsea, The Mama Coach. A Registered Nurse in Private Practice dedicated to making parenting easier by supporting you from Prenatal to Potty Training and all the milestones in between. Parenting support is profoundly lacking, and I am here to help.
